I can’t think of a better example of the importance of knowing your starting position than that of an adoption (also children who are the product of an affair, I would put that at the the top of the list as well). My hat is off to those who adopt, they are amazing people (obviously I’m not referring to evil people who adopt so they have more souls to torture).
Children who are adopted end up with two layers of baggage; one from the biological parents and one from the adoptive parents. The rejection from the original parents, regardless of the cause or reason, can be very traumatic. It can range from sad and confusing, to terrifying and debilitating. People think babies (and fetuses) are clueless and oblivious to things, not realizing that an eternal, amazing and extremely smart spirit is imparted at conception. That spirit feels everything, has reactions to those feelings, and begins making decisions based on them while in the womb. Hatred for circumstances and the God who allowed them can/does kick in very early in a child’s life. Many people are discovering that they cursed God, themselves, and/or others before they were even consciously awake. How crazy and unfair is that?
Are you starting to see the importance of communicating with your child while they are still in the womb? For example: if you realize that, for whatever reason, you need to give up your child for adoption, you can/should speak to them about your situation. Here’s an example. — “Dear precious one sent from Heaven, I am your biological mother and I love you very much. Circumstances are such that we need to find you a family that can better raise and take care of you. I will be involved in this process and will begin searching for a good home. Throughout this process and at all stages of your life, especially in these early years where other people are making choices for you, I encourage you to give all of your pain and disappointments to Jesus. Ask Him to be your companion. I am sorry for the rejection you may be feeling, please know you haven’t done anything wrong. It’s not about you, it’s about the circumstances. I wish you nothing but the best.” (Along with a hundred other things you might wish to add.) Babies (and fetuses) understand every word of a conversation like this because of their spirit!
And if you are the adoptive parents, a prayer of blessing should be the first thing they hear from you. Need an example? “Precious dear child sent from Heaven, welcome to Earth. We have been praying for you and are thrilled to finally have you in our home. We love you very much. Through a unique set of circumstances you are now part of our lives and we accept you as one one of our own. We are not and will never pretend to be, your biological parents. If/when you develop a desire to understand your bio-heritage, we will help you in any way that we can.” Along with a hundred other things you may wish to say. Please be sure to mention at some point that you are not perfect. They will figure it out anyway, so why not be honest and up-front with them? (And if it’s perfection they are looking for, recommend Jesus.)
Do you see how some love and truth can totally change a child’s starting point? Withholding the truth from an adopted person forces them to live a lie (I won’t go into all the reasons why people do this but suffice it to say, it usually serves the interests of the parents, not the child). Those who are living a lie often have difficulty connecting with God because His angle is “Bring Me everything that is plaguing you and I will set you free.” When a child keeps hearing, “Everything is great. We are a normal family, and you have no reason to feel like you don’t belong”, there seemingly is nothing to be set free from. But they feel an internal rejection or sadness due to being separated from their original mother/parents, and this can produce an extremely angry and unruly child (and they have no conscious idea why).
Adoptive parents are heartbroken when their adopted kids do not appreciate all they they have done or made possible for them. It’s totally unfair, but whenever the original pain of rejection from the biological parents is still there, it will always trump the goodwill of the adoptive parents. So what is the answer? Giving Jesus the original pain (that’s what inner healing is all about). But once again, the person who was adopted (whether they are still a child or now an adult) will need to go back to that pain in order to release it and be healed (by Jesus). This is not easy, but it works. I believe many suicides and murders could be averted if more people would be willing to dig into toxic pockets of original pain and rejection.
As for those who are the product of an affair or rape, it is difficult to adequately describe the ugly package that a child receives when this occurs. It is absolutely awful. Forgive the crudeness here, but once the sperm leaves the man (who now becomes the father), it is no longer part of him. It is now in the process of becoming someone else, and that person (the fetus) can be blasted by perversion, pain and fear at conception. This poor child will feel all of this, react to it, and make decisions on the spot, even though they had nothing to do with the act itself (and we all receive the DNA of our Earthly fathers whether we like it or not, good, bad and ugly). In most if not all cases, the child will hate the circumstances it was conceived in and the people involved, along with the God who allowed it. In doing so, this person is walking into an even deeper level of hatred, perversion, etc. because we become what we hate, and when we reject God we are essentially choosing to become our own god, and that never turns out well.
This kind of bondage can also occur in a conventional marriage where lust, hatred, or abuse are part of the equation, but it is magnified in the cases of rape, incest and affairs. Especially when the truth is never shared with the child. They can become a raging lunatic and have no idea why, and medicating themselves with drugs, alcohol, perversion, etc. soon follows. Jesus loves to heal people with this type of story, but you can’t ask for healing for things you don’t know about your own origin (and if your parents are unwilling to be transparent about these things, a great option is to simply pray and ask God to reveal anything that you need to know in order to be free). Sadly affairs (and sex outside of marriage) are commonplace these days and the children that are conceived through them have a very complex and difficult starting point.