An exciting milestone on the healing journey is when you develop the grace that is needed to release the people who damaged you. Jesus gave us a great example of this at the cross. He recognized that His enemies had been tricked into believing He was the bad guy. The bad guy in reality was the devil who was working behind the scenes. The people obviously had hatred and anger issues, and the devil used them to get to Jesus. Chances are, we would have mocked Him along with the others, so let’s picture ourselves at the cross for a moment. We’re standing there watching the crucifixion, and we hear Him say, “Father forgive them, for they don’t know what they’re doing”. We look at each other and say, “This guy is really weird! He thinks we don’t know what we’re doing! We know exactly what we’re doing. We’re nailing him to a cross!”
At this point you might be thinking, “I can’t relate to that. I just can’t picture myself at the cross mocking Him.” Well, let’s go back to square one. All of us have issues. Our issues cause us to miss the mark. When we miss the mark, we are sinning. Jesus died for our sins, so who nailed him to the cross? Unless you were one of His disciples, or perhaps his Mother or a few others, there’s a very slim chance that you would have been one of His supporters.
Here’s some really good news. Jesus was willing to forgive us, before we ever asked him to. Isn’t that awesome? You see, there were two things happening when Jesus chose to forgive. First, He was releasing us, making it possible for us to receive Him at a later time. Second, and perhaps more importantly, He did not allow bitterness, anger, resentment or hatred to take root in His own heart. Jesus was tested here, and if He wouldn’t have passed the test, He would not be our Savior today. He would have fallen into sin during His final act on Earth, and this would have negated His ability to save us (and who knows what would have happened to Him then?).
Forgiveness is an option and a choice. There is something wonderful in it for us — our own personal freedom. If we are willing to forgive, then we can be forgiven (Luke 6:37).
If you are willing to walk with Jesus, and follow his example, start by recalling the names of the people who have hurt you in some way. It may be helpful to picture yourself on a cross at this time because, as a believer, you are one of God’s sons or daughters. The devil doesn’t hate you any less than he hated Jesus, and he has been getting to you through people, just like he got to Jesus through people. But Jesus saw the game for what it was and chose not to play. We can make the same choice today. Now that we can see the devil behind the scenes, we can do something about it. The people around us become channels for his venom, and we take it personally. Recognize as Jesus did that these people are hurting — they were damaged also — and in fact some of them “don’t know what they’re doing.” If you were to say to them, “Hey, I’m a Christian now. I’m special, and you need to respect that and stop hurting me,” how do you think they would respond to that? How did Joseph’s brothers respond to him? (Genesis 37). Sorry, your dreams will not impress many of your friends or relatives. Imagine Jesus trying to convince His accusers that He was “the man”. That would’ve gone over real big! That’s basically what we’re doing when we insist on being loved and accepted by certain people.
And, by the way, we haven’t exactly been saints ourselves. Perfection hasn’t been our strong point. Sometimes we get slammed for good reason. Jesus never did anything to deserve the torment He got on the cross (or throughout His life), but He was still willing to forgive. Our response in that situation would’ve probably been, “To Hell with all of you!”. If Jesus was able to forgive when all the accusations were false, then I’m thinking we can do the same, especially with His help.
Please understand that I’m not talking about a casual, “Okay, I forgive you. You nearly wrecked my life, but I forgive you.” I’m talking about seeing things from a different angle, releasing some very real weights and bondages, and being healed. True forgiveness releases you from the one who damaged you, and the pain they inflicted.
Some people feel like forgiveness hinges on somebody asking to be forgiven. Once again, let’s go back to the cross. Was anyone asking to be forgiven? No. But Jesus chose to forgive anyway. So it is clear that forgiveness is a choice, and you don’t have to wait for someone to ask for it. Why is this important? Because there may be some people who never ask for forgiveness (perhaps they have passed away). Does this mean you are condemned and bound to that person (and situation) forever? Only if you choose to be!
Unless your parents (or whoever damaged you) were Satanists, they did not wake up every morning saying, “How can we damage this child today?” It just happens because they are full of pain and they were never able to grow up in some areas. These days we have kids trying to raise kids, and that is a recipe for disaster. Somebody has to step up and say, “Enough! I’m tired of this game! I break this curse in the name of Jesus.” You will either stop the craziness by releasing and forgiving those you hate or you will become like them, damaging people even though you don’t want to or mean to. The law of sowing and reaping applies here. You cannot harbor hate yet walk in love (it just doesn’t work that way). Allow forgiveness to begin changing your heart towards yourself and others.
“Unconditional Love is when we learn to accept people who disappoint us by no longer requiring them to satisfy us, then we are free to love them, to reach toward them for their sake without having to protect ourselves from feeling disappointed by their response to us”